Okay, this post is for my mommy friends, and especially for my mommy friends with adopted kiddos. For those of you who just like keeping up with our happenings, you probably want to skip it...this is the nitty gritty details because I NEED HELP!!!
In my last post I mentioned that Isabelle has (my perception, anyways) been internalizing her stress and struggling with the transition, which is all totally understandable. Well, things have unfortunately continued to get worse, and so bad in fact that my aunt came to spend a week with us to try to help ease the transition. We were hoping by still sending her to daycare some but by having her come home before naptime and also with just having my aunt to help me do things that it would help.
In some ways, it has. I've been extremely grateful to have another set of hands, and I think it has helped her behavior during the day...mostly I think because there is another person to pay attention to her and also to give me more time to spend with her.
Problem? The nights. She's always been a great sleeper but it's getting bad. Background: she came home at 16 months, had always slept by herself in a pack and play, we ended up co-sleeping about the first 2 months, and she's slept fine by herself in her crib for the last year.
The last two months or so she's started crying when I go to put her in bed for her nap or at night and that's gone to a whole new level. Now she screams. Literally - like sometimes there aren't any tears just blood-curdling screams. It's been ugly, but she's been sleeping through the night after she finally settles down. Gotta add, she didn't do it at all at my parents' house...until the day I got there...
Now, though, she's starting to wake up during the night and is crying out more then. Night before last she woke up screaming 4 times, and last night she essentially cried and screamed almost all night. I got 2 hours of sleep, and that's just because my aunt had her.
Oh, and yesterday she didn't even go to daycare...she was home all day with my aunt and then she "helped mommy" and went to the nursing home to do a couple shut-in visits with me, which she seemed to love. She did keep asking/telling me the whole time, though, that my aunt and the dogs were at the new house and wanting to confirm we were going back there when we finished.
We have a nighttime routine, she is fine leading up to bedtime and then it all falls apart. She's verbal enough that I've tried just asking her why she is crying and she always says something like "Belle want mommy," or "Belle no want mommy leave."
We didn't have apparent attachement issues when she came home but we are now. Granted she's also 2 1/2, so I know part of it could be the age...or her age coupled with really bad timing for turning her whole world upside down...and I totally recognize she has lost all regular contact with everyone (other than me) that she knew, she's in a new house...school...church...
It's a lot. I know that and understand. But I have to get more than two hours of sleep and so does she! I'm now facing meeting with my district superintendent for the first time on two hours sleep (and admittedly more than a little grumpy). I have to work. My aunt leaves tomorrow. We are supposed to be at church parties Friday and Saturday night and I am hosting a church-wide open house at our house on Sunday afternoon.
I'm at a loss and totally open to ANY and all suggestions! Please, for those who have BTDT any tips would be appreciated!
Thanks and hopefully later I'll post again with some pictures!
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Me and My Little Darling
About Me
- lauren
- Welcome to my blog! This site started out as a way to keep friends and family up-to-date about the adoption process. As of September 11, 2008 Isabelle Grace is HOME! We invite you to continue to share in our lives! Enjoy!
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Timeline to Isabelle Grace
- 10-04-08: Received Certificate of Citizenship
- 09-27-08: Isabelle Grace is 16 months old today :)
- 09-11-08: HOME FOREVER!
- 09-10-08: Get Visa
- 09-09-08: US Embassy Appointment
- 09-08-08: Isabelle Grace in my arms FOREVER!!!
- 09-03-08: PINK!!!
- 09-02-08: DNA at US Embassy
- 08-27-08: Isabelle Grace is 15 months old today :)
- 08-25-08: DNA arrived via FedEx at PTC lab in US
- 08-22-08: DNA sample taken in GUA
- 08-20-08: ORANGE (Authorization from US Embassy to do 2nd DNA and exit medical exam)
- 08-14-08: Ready to submit to Embassy but can't find man who has to sign off on passport
- 08-13-08: Notary signed off on BC
- 08-12-08: BC translated
- 08-11-08: Attorney actually received BC
- 08-08-08: Told attorney had BC
- 07-27-08: Isabelle Grace is 14 months old today :)
- 07-22-08: Attorney applied for new birth certificate
- 07-16-08: Adoption Decree (Protocolo) signed - Isabelle is LEGALLY MINE!!!
- 07-15-08: 4th Visit Trip!
- 07-10-08: OUT of PGN after 203 days!
- 06-27-08: Isabelle is 13 months old today :)
- 06-09-08: Birth mother found and interview takes place!
- 05-30-08: Birth Mother Interview Scheduled but she is MIA.
- 05-27-08: Isabelle is 1!
- 04-27-08: Isabelle is 11 months old today :)
- 04-10-08: 3rd Visit Trip!
- 04-09-08: Back in PGN!
- 03-27-08: Isabelle is 10 months old today :)
- 03-17-08: Found out about KO#2
- 03-11-08: Kick Out #2
- 02-27-08: Isabelle is 9 months old today :)
- 02-19-08: Confirmation of Registration with CA (now I can breathe...)
- 02-18-08: Back in PGN!
- 02-11-08: Registered with Central Authority
- 01-27-08: Isabelle is 8 months old today :)
- 01-13-08: Kick Out #1
- 01-08-08: Webcam chat with Ana, Isabelle, and Isabella
- 01-06-08: Talked to Ana (FM) on the phone for 1st time
- 01-04-08: Met Isabella's parents Alecia and Keith
- 12-27-07: Isabelle is 7 months old today :)
- 12-18-07: I'm FINALLY in PGN!!!
- 12-01-07: ~ OUT of Family Court
- 11-27-07: Isabelle is 6 months old today :)
- 10-27-07: Isabelle is 5 months old today :)
- 10-01-07: PA received!!!
- 09-27-07: Isabelle is 4 months old today :)
- 09-17-07: DNA results received by agency - 99.98% match!!
- 09-12-07: DNA received at US Embassy in Guatemala City - the important day!
- 09-03-07: DNA taken
- 08-28-07: DNA Authorization and case logged with PTC (Paternity Testing Corporation)
- 08-27-07: Isabelle is 3 months old today :)
- 08-01-07: Dossier received in Guatemala and I-171H approved and sent to NH for final submission
- 07-30-07: Meet with Angela - dossier on its way to Guatemala - let the official waiting begin!!!
- 07-27-07: Dossier finished!!
- 07-27-07: Isabelle is 2 months old today :)
- 07-26-07: Birth certificate back from Guatemalan Embassy in DC!!
- 07-20-07: Drive to Raleigh to get dossier docs authenticated then mail everything off to embassy
- 07-17-07: SBI background check back!!
- 07-10-07: Took a personal day to run around being fingerprinted and filling out forms!
- 07-09-07: YES! Met with Tania (Russia Coordinator) and Angela (Guatemala Coordinator) and "officially" accepted referral for Tania Izabel born May 27, 2007!!
- 07-06-07 - 07-08-07: Longest weekend in history!!!
- 07-06-07: Big decisions!! Received e-mail from Tania saying they had a 6 week old girl from Guatemala available!
- 07-03-07: Continued delays and complications in Russia; discussed other country options with Tania
- 02-11-07: Wonderful day! Told my friends and family about the adoption in an amazing service at church!
- 01-31-07: Submitted Russia dossier
- 10-06: Started paperwork for Russian adoption
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4 comments:
Like she said.... she is afraid you are going to leave. Is she still in a crib? Could you move it into your room, or a pack-n-play? I would keep the new routine going so she can get used to it. Maybe a sticker chart that if she doesn't cry she can get a sticker. The other thing that I have noticed is after work/school Dominic wants MY attention. I have to color with him, play blocks, cuddle on the couch with a movie, be close to him until bed time. Did you get my email about the magnets? They keep him close to me in the kitchen so I can prepare dinner while he plays. Good Luck!! It does get better! Dominic's problem now is the 2 year molars, he cries in pain during the night.
Oh my, I am sorry you are going through this. My first thought about the sleeping problems is that you might have to change them for a while until she is totally comfortable in the new house and after being away from you for 2 weeks. I know it may feel like going backwards, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get some sleep. You might have to do like you did in your old house and let her sleep in your room (not your bed) for a while or sleep in her room in a bed. We finally got Bella out of our bed, but she still sleeps beside me on a pallet on the floor. We have tried lots of techniques, but she always wakes up 2 - 3 times a night and takes about an hour to fall asleep when we try for her to sleep in her toddler bed. So having said all that, maybe I am not the best person to get advice from. I don't know, but pray that things will be better very soon for you and that Isabelle will feel safe and secure soon!
G always works out issues through spending time co sleeping with me. I always swore I'd never do it, but it really helps! A week or two and then he goes back to his bed. He has always slept through the night, except the two or three times we have had to step back and work on reassuring him everything will be fine. I also spend a lot of time with nighttime routine...Reading, talking, brushing teeth, bath, lotioning, cuddling, praying...Good Luck! I know it is hard being tired! Steph
Even though Isabelle was young when you got her, in her "state memory," she could still remember her birthmom leaving as well as her foster mom leaving even though it was she that left the foster mother. State memory is something that occurs before a person is verbal and so they cannot really talk about it but it exists. So, not only do you have the 2 year old issue here but you are having an adoption related issue, in my opinion. Like Steph wrote above, co sleeping might be the best thing for her right now. She needs that reassurance that you aren't leaving. It doesn't matter that you know she's safe. SHE doesn't feel safe and so changes have to be made to give her what is often called "felt safety." Is her bedroom set up the EXACT same way as it was at the old house? If not, can you change it to be that way? I know you have to work, but is it possible to include her as much as you can for a while? This will allow her to see that you are still doing the same type of work as before. Children will show signs of regression when they are stressed out. In my opinion, adopted children seem to do it more than those raised in their family of origin. I am not an expert. I'm just a mommy with two girlies from Guatemala, now ages 6 and 10 years, and one more still in process there, almost 5 years old. My 10 year old is currently going through a phase where she cannot sleep by herself. So, in my bed she goes. I know that she won't really care to sleep with me when she's 20, so who cares right now? It's meeting her need of security. Once my almost 5 year old comes home, she will cosleep for quite some time before I will be ready to move her to her own bed for night time sleep. Naps are different, in my opinion, but I visited her this week and we napped together too.
Other key things you can do is laminate a photo of the 2 of you together and put it on a lanyard that she can wear around her neck. You could probably do 2 of them, allowing her to wear one and sleep with one if you are against cosleeping. Do you pack her lunch for daycare/school? If so, perhaps a little note that the teacher can read to her will be good. She just needs some constant reminders that you ARE in her life, even if she isn't with you now. Also try keeping the home routine as close to it was before the move. Same time to wake up. Same time to go to daycare/school. Same time for dinner, bed, etc. This too shall pass but I would be lying to you if I said that all of your problems will be solved after this stage. To me, it's just one stage after another. You get better at anticipating them as well as dealing with them, but there's always something around the bend, in my mind.
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