"Love is Patient..."

Today has been a real day of mixed emotions for me. I feel like a mom, and yet I don't have Isabelle in my arms. It's been tough. I actually (for the first time) purposely went to church late so that I didn't have to do the whole "meet and greet and grab a cookie" time before Sunday School. I just didn't think I could face all the questions.

Worship, though, was a real blessing. Isabelle was born May 27 which last year was also Pentecost...one of my favorite church 'holidays.' Well, today was Pentecost (always 50 days after Easter, so it moves around) and I had a new red stole to wear that I got in Guatemala on my first visit trip.

Last year I had asked everyone to wear red to represent the presence of the Holy Spirit with us and had a great response, but didn't do it this year because I figured a lot of the women would have special things they'd want to wear for Mother's Day. Well, a bunch of people wore red anyway, and I really felt like it was a silent sign of support for me (more than the Holy Spirit) since I had shared in our newsletter about Isabelle being born on Pentecost. Not sure that makes sense, but it was a great feeling!

The picture above is the Mother's Day gift I got from the preschool class after church - the teacher had asked me for a copy of the pictures I had put in the bulletin after my last visit, so I knew something was up. I thought it was really sweet that they included me...my first 'handmade' Mother's Day present :) You can't read it, but there is a little sticker attached that says, "Love is patient, love is kind. 1 Corinthians 13" They told me they picked that verse just for me because they knew how much I needed the patience part!

Tonight I went to dinner with Susan and Gabriella, who were celebrating their first Mother's Day as a family - nice night out and a good distraction :)

Oh, and yesterday I did get to 'chat' with Isabelle and her foster mom via webcam...the picture was lousy and the sound was pretty nonexistant, so we ended up typing back and forth - thanks again to Monica who translated everything for me!

It was great to get to 'see' Isabelle but the disturbing part was that the foster mom has been seeing stuff on the news there about everything happening at PGN and she said she's scared about having to go. She could have been saying she was scared for me, but it sounds like she's actually really worried about having to take Isabelle. I hate that the woman who has been so wonderful to Isabelle (and to me) is now in a situation where she is frightened by a situation she is in because of me.

The latest DOES unfortunately sound like they will be calling all the birth moms in for interviews and that Isabelle and her foster mom (along with my attorney) will be present. The good news is that this past Thursday they did 25 interviews and it sounds like they just asked the birth moms if they were sure of their decision and were polite to them, which is GREAT to hear. None of the birth moms changed their minds that day, which apparently left some of the authorities at PGN frustrated. I'm sort of hoping they will just give up on doing the interviews!

I have heard some crazy things about them possibly requiring a 3rd DNA test if they don't think the baby "looks" enough like the birth mom and stuff like that, but only time will tell if any of it is true. In the mean time, they are claiming that they will begin releasing cases on Tuesday (the people who had the interviews last week). If the interviews are going to continue, then I want mine done SOON so I can get Isabelle home and be past this very difficult and emotionally taxing hurdle.

I guess this got kind of long...sorry!